


Sweet And Heady, Like My Love

by FakePlastikTrees



Category: Damages
Genre: F/F, Post Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-08
Updated: 2012-10-08
Packaged: 2017-11-15 22:34:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/532513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FakePlastikTrees/pseuds/FakePlastikTrees
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happens after Ellen and Patty run into each other</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sweet And Heady, Like My Love

************************

 

Ellen was happy.

 

She was sure of it. She and Chris married, had a child-- _although not exactly in that order_. She made things right. Because that's what she wanted all along. This life is what she wanted. If only she could stop reminding herself of the fact, she could finally believe it. She practiced smiling in the mirror every morning now since running into Patty. She wished her smiles were genuine and it frustrated her that they were not. She stared at her reflection for another thirty seconds before motherhood called and she was summoned to the kitchen, where Sophie sat waiting for her father to serve her Mickey Mouse head shaped pancakes.

 

Chris was a great father. He was loving and protective, hardly a disciplinarian as the little girl had him wrapped around her little finger. He was obsessed with his daughter. Ellen loved him for that. He eased into fatherhood so quickly, it was admirable and a  relief. He changed most of the diapers, and took care of the baby car-seat and pushed the carriage, making the transition so much more bearable for Ellen. 

 

Ellen enjoyed her pregnancy and the excitement of expectancy provided a  distraction to the loss she would eventually feel the second she saw Patty years later. 

 

Motherhood itself was one big distraction. It kept her busy and alert, although there were moments when she would not sleep. She would go into her infant daughter's bedroom and sit and think, and wonder if the indescribable feeling would ever go away. 

 

She told herself it would have to be.  _This would have to do_ , and it did eventually.

 

But everything was different for two weeks now. Patty changed everything, as is her gift and Ellen still couldn't shake the image of the older woman in pristine white, looking impeccable and powerful as ever. Oh, how Ellen ached just then.  _How she resented her daughter then_. She hated herself for that and so she took Sophie to buy a brand new toy the following day. Still, there was very little she could do for how insignificant she felt and how-- _pedestrian_ the encounter had made her feel. Standing in the same room as Patty Hewes would always hold the same thrill no matter how much time had stretched out between them. But they were no longer equals. Ellen, with her casual clothes and her flat shoes that cost thirty dollars--she missed being en-par with Patty so badly in that moment that she wanted to cry. Or perhaps it was the fact that even when she refused to knowledge the older woman and turned her back on her, the tension between them was stronger than ever.  

 

She had hoped it would falter with time but it'd only been dormant and all Ellen wanted to do now was put it in a box and throw it in the ocean.

 

She watched Chris flip a pancake in the air, sending Sophie into a fit of laughter and Ellen's jaw ached from the smile she was tired of faking already and it was only 7AM. 

 

"Good morning." Chris greeted her, his tone was casual enough but the way he refused to look at her said enough.

 

They'd fought the night before. She'd started it. 

 

"Good morning," She replied, leaning forward to kiss the top of Sophie's head.

 

She couldn't help it lately. Everything was wrong and everything was ugly and she wanted nothing to do with it. He hadn't done anything wrong, except talk. He'd told her about his day and about how great his guys were doing and she'd felt like she wanted to bash his face in. He'd wrapped his arms around her waist as she brushed her teeth and she'd stiffened. When he kissed her shoulder, she wanted to hurt him. 

 

Minutes later, she'd tripped on one of Sophie's toys and snapped. 

 

"Chris, we need to move, this house is a fucking joke..."

 

"What are you talking about?" He'd asked and dared to laugh at her outburst.

 

She'd glared and finally yelled, "I can barely move around here, it's a fucking hole in the wall!" 

 

There was nothing wrong with their home. It was a modestly sized three bedroom house she had initially loved, in a nice neighborhood, away from the city. Now, she hated all of that about it.

 

He stared at her, brow furrowed in confusion. "Okay. Well, there is nothing wrong with the house, and it's all we can afford, so...feel free to get a job and maybe you can move into a penthouse suite in Manhattan," he'd joked.

 

"I had a job, remember? A career and I was stupid enough to think I could live like this."

 

He didn't say a word as he grabbed a pillow and left their bedroom to sleep in the guest room.

 

She hated herself as much as she hated their perfect house. This was the first time she had ever mentioned her past life. She'd never regretted leaving it behind until now and it was all Patty's fault.

 

"Hey," She said as she came to stand behind him and wrapped her arms around his middle the way he'd done to her the night before. She propped her chin on his shoulder and watched as he flipped another pancake, "I'm sorry about last night. I don't know where that came from."

 

"Let's talk about this later, okay?" He whispered.

 

She frowned and pulled away from him.

 

"Hey--" He said promptly, "--come here."

 

She smiled back and kissed him. It was just like Chris to make her feel worse by being kind. She hid it well.

 

"Are you ready for your new school?" She asked Sophie, who beamed up at her mother and nodded eagerly through a mouthful of pancakes. "Yeah? Good. You're going to make lots of new friends." 

 

"You want me to take her?" Chris asked as he took a seat at the table and handed Ellen a fresh cup of coffee, eyes filled with concern. 

 

"No-no, I'll take her." His kindness irritated her suddenly. Why was he being so nice when she'd snapped at him for no reason? 

 

"Sure?" 

 

"Yes." She replied shortly, softening her questionable tone with yet another smile that seemed to please him well enough. "I had made an appointment with the principal anyway, so I should go."

 

"All right." He looked at his watch and sighed. "And now I should go." He kissed her and kissed Sophie and was out of the house within five minutes. Ellen couldn't wait to get out herself.

 

Apparently, appointments meant nothing when fifty other concerned parents showed up on the first day of school and demanded to speak to the principal about nothing little details, but Ellen needed a filler in her day and she didn't mind the wait. However, it was forty-five minutes later and she'd read nearly every article in the Cosmopolitan magazine she'd found in the waiting area. It suddenly didn't feel worth the waste of time.

 

She wore pumps with her jeans today--three hundred dollar Monolo Blahniks that she'd worn all of two times since she got them--and a nice silk blouse her mother gave her last Christmas. She'd ditched her warmer coat for a leather jacket she paired with a nice scarf and she'd gotten rid of her headband. It was ridiculous but it made her feel dynasties better about herself. 

 

It wasn't that she wanted a more luxurious lifestyle, it wasn't that she was vain or superficial--it was just that she missed being an Attorney in an especially painful way this morning and the shoes and everything else gave her if only a fraction of a resolution to her sudden lethargy. 

 

She sighed and dropped her head back against the wall behind her. She thought about that little Cafe she'd used to meet with Patty in and thought maybe she'd ditch the principal and go have a muffin instead. But just as she shifted to stand, three seats beside her were vacated and she was faced for a second time with the ghost from her past that never seizes to stop her dead in her tracks. 

 

Patty Hewes sat on the fourth seat down, lost in her phone, dressed in darker attire than the last time. Ellen gasped and unknowingly wrinkled the open page on her lap.

 

Patty jerked her head in Ellen's direction and visibly froze. 

 

Ellen didn't turn away this time. Instead, she smiled--a real one this time--and waved politely. "Hi."

 

"Hello."

 

Patty's coat hung open. It was a deep purple pea coat and her slacks and blouse were black--the top three buttons undone. Ellen's palms were sweaty. Patty's blonde hair was short again. Styled more naturally this time. It looked soft and it fell swiftly just above her eyebrow. 

 

"Does uh--Catherine go here?" Ellen asked lamely.

 

Patty nodded, "Yes, she does. Just transferred here." 

 

"How old is she now?" 

 

"Just turned ten."

 

"Wow..."

 

"How old is your little girl?" 

 

"Six."

 

"She's beautiful."

 

"Thank you." 

 

They stared awkwardly at each other and the silence seemed to stretch out forever before Ellen snapped and dissolved into nervous laughter. Patty offered a smile.

 

"So, how are you?"

 

"I'm fine." Patty replied, pausing before reciprocating with, "How are  _you_?"

 

"Fine, yeah." Ellen nodded, "Married." She laughed again. She felt embarrassed suddenly and she wasn't sure why. But she felt--well. "You know, I haven't--" She started to talk, then caught herself, worrying her bottom lip.

 

Stoic as always, Patty simply watched.

 

"--I was going to go to that place--to get some coffee or something. Do you maybe have some time? After this, I mean." Ellen finally finished.

 

"Sure."

 

"Yes? Okay. I was going to ditch the principal and run some errands instead--"

 

"I'll meet you there in an hour." Patty stated calmly.

 

"Great." Ellen smiled as she stood, thankful that she was closer to the door than to Patty this very second, as the thought of being even an inch closer to the woman turned her stomach upside down. She moved to the exit and paused in the doorway. "I'll see you in an hour."

 

As soon as she exited the building and walked toward her car, Ellen felt a dreaded sickening void in the pit of her belly. Like having something wonderful, only to have it ripped from her grasp before she could really appreciate it. The sheer electricity of Patty and everything she represented hit her like a bolt of lightening and now Ellen sat in her car and trembled because she'd been resenting this very feeling all these years. She breathed heavily, head down against the steering wheel until her windows were foggy enough and she had killed close to ten minutes. 

 

The following would be the longest forty-five minutes of her life.

 

She picked up the dry cleaning and paid the mortgage and even picked up a few groceries. She was disappointed to see she still had twenty minutes to spare by the time she was done.

 

She walked around the neighborhood, taking a minute to stroll into an old used book store she had never noticed before, meanwhile, her stomach was in knots and her feet ached. This gave her some comfort and that worried her. Because why should foot pain comfort her? But it was the familiarity of it, that feeling of walking around in four inch heels for hours on end, it brought everything back.

 

By the time she'd finally made it back to the cafe, she was ten minutes late and Patty was sitting in a corner table, alone, with a her glasses on and her phone held promptly in both hands as she typed away.  Ellen smiled. Nothing had changed, just now everything was the same and she strode forward confidently, alerting Patty of her presence by pulling back a chair and sitting down directly across from her. 

 

Patty looked at her over the rim of her glasses and smirked. "Hello," She said her voice dark like tinted glass, her movements deliberate as always as she sat back comfortably. 

 

Patty had a few more wrinkles than Ellen remembered. And she so wished that she had not noticed that, but mostly, she wished she didn't feel this happy inside.

 

"I ordered a blueberry muffin for you. And coffee, black with room for sugar..." Patty stopped and appeared almost regretful at Ellen's expression, not knowing that Ellen was rendered into a strange form of shock for no reason other than Patty remembered how she took her coffee. "...is that wrong? We can get you something else."

 

"No, no that's actually what I was craving this morning, that's so strange."

 

"Oh." Patty said, smiling victoriously, not bothering with hiding her self satisfaction.

 

Ellen rolled her eyes, "Jesus, Patty, don't be so transparent."

 

"What? it was a lucky shot, that's all." 

 

Ellen looked the woman she left standing in that pier six years ago in the eye and wondered why it felt as if no time had lapsed and yet it was as if too much time had passed at the same time. She caught her breath, ready to say something her mind had been holding back and was ready to regurgitate, but thought better of it and caught sight of the waiter instead. 

 

Minutes passed, of comfortable silence as they stirred their coffee and tea. Patty ignored her scone and Ellen picked at her own treat. 

 

"You look great, Ellen." Patty finally said, "Relaxed." 

 

"Old, you mean? I look old, 'relaxed' is what people say when you look old." Ellen replied, directing herself at her cup. "I feel like I've aged twenty years." 

 

"No, you look great." Patty repeated, this time being the one to turn away once Ellen looked up.

 

"Patty--" Ellen started up again, suddenly filled with remorse of years past, "--I am so sorry about what happened to Michael."

 

"I don't want to talk about Michael, Ellen," Patty said sharply, then looked up and offered the younger woman something resembling a look that said they should not waste time cutting open old wounds, especially those they were so protective of. "The past is the past. I hurt you, you hurt me, it's over. You're happy now, right?"

 

"Yes." Ellen said, pausing longer than she should have.

 

"So let's just--leave it at that. Tell me, what are you doing now? I haven't heard much since you closed your office." 

 

"I uh--nothing. Well, I'm a mother. I'm a stay-at-home mom now," She laughed anxiously and rolled her eyes, sipping her coffee before sighing heavily, "Who would have thought, right? It's uh--it's crazy. But I love it. I love spending all this time with Sophie and--it's great. It really is." 

 

"Okay." Patty said, sitting up to reach for her scone, "Okay, tell me about Sophie."

 

They talked for an hour and a half and it surprised Ellen how easy it was to laugh with Patty when she wasn't aching to pulverize her reputation.

 

The conversation didn't linger on Catherine and Sophie for long. It was quickly steered toward nothing in particular. It surprised Ellen just how much they had to talk about without mentioning the darker parts of their past together.

 

By the time they stood outside, ready to part, Ellen wasn't sure how to.

 

"You should come over to my apartment sometime. Have a drink or something." Patty said, so offhandedly, it seemed almost like an afterthought.

 

It didn't make Ellen's smile any smaller however. "I'd like that."

 

"Are you free tonight? You can bring Sophie, Catherine will be there."

 

Ellen's stomach flipped at the mere thought and she had to tell herself to settle the fuck down. She  _was_ free. But she wouldn't do this. It was too much too soon, after too long. "I don't know--"

 

"Okay," Patty replied, "Well, my number is still the same, if you change your mind."

 

"I'm free Wednesday."

 

Patty smiled at Ellen's eagerness. Ellen could slap the smug right out of her face.

 

"I'm busy Wednesday," Patty countered. Apparently she was planning on making Ellen suffer through this.

 

Ellen smirked, and licked her lips, trying desperately to appear as if she were truly mulling over the option. "How about Friday night?"

 

"Catherine will be at a sleepover--"

 

"Sophie's spending the weekend with my mom, so, that's okay. Plus, I won't be available until way past her bedtime."

 

"Oh. Well." Patty started to walk away, a flirtatious look in her eyes as she went and then added, "It's a date then."

 

Ellen smiled and shook her head. "Bye, Patty," and watched her walk away until she rounded the corner.

 

She hoped to god that her mother would agree to taking Sophie.

 

 

**********************

 

Tuesday was an anxiety filled nightmare.

 

Things with Chris were decent. There was no arguing while Ellen kept mostly to her thoughts. She'd made breakfast and they listened to Sophie tell them all about her new best friend Sally. By lunch time at her mother's, Ellen had convinced the woman to take Sophie for the weekend. It was easy to instill the idea and at least that was done. 

 

Wednesday was uneventful but she felt relaxed. She got a haircut and told herself it had nothing to do with seeing Patty in a couple of days. 

 

She made dinner that night and it was nice. Chris seemed to have forgotten all about their fight.

 

Thursday passed with busy errands all around town and by the time Friday morning rolled around, Ellen was a nervous wreck. She couldn't get rid of Chris fast enough and while he felt something was a miss, he let it go. Ellen was glad.

 

She debated on what to wear. She thought about the pumps that pinched her toes and shook her head at the thought of wearing them again. Looking at her selection, she wondered when the hell it happened exactly that she lost interest in fashion. As a little girl, she loved dressing up, and although her college years were not much to in regards to her wardrobe, her more adult years helped her develop a particular taste. High fashion was a hobby. She would spend sleepless nights looking through catalogs when work wasn't distracting enough. She had fun. And now--well this was just sad. 

 

Sometime after Sophie had been dropped off at school, Ellen grabbed her purse and headed for the City in search of new shoes. 

 

At half past nine, she and her new shoes showed up on Patty's doorstep with a brand new haircut and a bottle wine.

 

Patty wore jeans and a loosely fitting V neck white shirt that probably cost more than Ellen's shoes. Her feet were bare and her nails were painted red. She was six years older and beautiful.

 

Ellen heaved a sigh and said a breathless, "Hi." 

 

Patty's eyes wrinkled at the corners as she stepped aside and beckoned her in with a telling smirk, "Come on in." 

 

Aside from a few new pieces of furniture, Patty's apartment looked just about the same. It was still spacious and tastefully decorated, with a certain stillness to it that only Patty could bring to life. The couch was different, Ellen noted as she lounged back and sipped her wine. 

 

Music played at moderate volume. It was something low and moody--Nick Cave perhaps.

 

Ellen turned and Patty was looking at her. It was then that Ellen realized she had been inspecting Patty's apartment for a long time now and she had been so lost in her wordless affirmation that she'd forgotten to make conversation. Patty didn't seem to mind.

 

"I changed some things around," She explained.

 

Ellen nodded, "I like it. It's--strange being back here, I have to be honest."

 

Patty cleared her throat and rolled her shoulders back before shifting in her seat, "I'm sure. A lot of bad memories, I assume." 

 

"No, it's not that--"

 

Patty looked up and waited expectantly.

 

"--I have to tell you, Patty, it's been a strange couple of weeks for me. I've thought a lot about you since--I saw you, about everything that isn't my life anymore. This is a little strange for me, being here." She laughed dryly, "I keep repeating myself, but I don't really know what to make of it."

 

Much to Ellen's surprise, Patty nodded her head and replied, "It's a little strange for me as well..." She seemed to struggle with her admittance and almost timid as she continued, "Why are you here, Ellen?" 

 

As Ellen looked back, all of one sip of wine in her system, with nothing left between them but years of sharing the same space, she realized she wasn't sure of a lot of things. She wasn't sure why she felt the urgent need to make this encounter as private as possible or why she needed it in the first place. "I don't know."

 

"Did you tell your husband you were coming here?" 

 

Ellen paused, shook her head. "No." 

 

"Oh." Patty said as if she knew everything now. 

 

Suddenly, Ellen was painfully aware of the distance between them, sitting on opposite ends of the couch. She wondered if it would be okay to get closer, but didn't move an inch and instead said, "I don't know why I'm here."

 

"Do you want to leave?"

 

"No." Ellen answered, never having been more certain about anything she'd ever said.

 

Somewhere between more tension and more wine, Patty was laughing. Her hands were gesturing in the air, her eyes were glowing and her mouth was perfect. Ellen kissed her soundly and wondered for a second if Patty would slap her. When she kissed her back instead Ellen sighed and felt as though she might have fallen were she standing. She didn't know what to do with her hands, which she kept on her lap until Patty's lips parted and Ellen had to reach up and cradle the woman's cheek and both bodies slid closer together. And then Patty moaned and Ellen pulled away as if she had been burned.

 

"Oh, shit--" She hissed regretfully as she stood, her body physically protesting, stubbornly gravitating toward Patty until she forced herself away, "--Jesus, I'm sorry, I can't. I can't do this."

 

She didn't hear Patty call her name behind her, she didn't even notice leaving her house keys behind and when she arrived home, only to find herself locked out, she sank against do door at her front step and buried her head in her hands. her heart raced, her body was still on full alert and she was a little drunk. Catching her breath, she rose to her feet and knocked until Chris was awake and let her inside.

 

She thought about Patty and her apartment, and her red toes and her perfect mouth. Chris didn't see it coming, taking it as make up sex. Ellen felt guilty as hell.

 

**************** 

 

The next morning, she cooked. She was up before Chris and made a big breakfast consisting of eggs and pancakes, toast and jam, fresh fruit and freshly squeezed orange juice with a hot pot of coffee waiting.

 

By the time Chris was up, Sophie was dressed and seated at the table. He seemed surprised but didn't comment on it.

 

Ellen used Sophie as a means to not speak to Chris. She asked her about school and about what she was going to do today, did she have a good time with Grandma? Chris read the paper and piped in once in a while, giving up after a few minutes. When he left, Ellen busied herself with washing the dishes to avoid a proper kiss goodbye but managed a chaste peck.

 

She could smell Patty's perfume still on her, even though she had changed her clothes and long since showered. The scent of her clouded her brain and she had to finally leave her house to keep from going into the hamper and digging out her clothes from the night before just to smell it more clearly.

 

She carried her spare key and went out and made another copy. She refused to go back to Patty's. Not when she felt this out of her element from just sharing oxygen  She needed to make sense of it, of Patty. Of herself and where it all turned around like this.

 

Before she knew what her feet were doing, she was standing outside a door she had not seen in a long time.

 

"Ellen."

 

Kate seemed genuinely surprised to see her. But she also seemed genuinely happy, and Ellen couldn't help but allow herself a little gratitude for that, especially since Ellen was never really particularly kind to Kate. It had been a while since anyone had been glad to see her for no reason at all. Her eyes welled up and her chin quivered.

 

Kate's face filled with sympathy immediately and ushered the younger woman inside her home without a single word spoken between them until tea had been served in the kitchen and spoons were stirring.

 

"I'm really sorry to have dropped in on you like this, Kate." Ellen apologized, feeling truly embarrassed as she sipped hot chamomile.

 

"That's all right," Kate replied kindly, "It's a nice surprise. I've often wondered about you."

 

Ellen looked up then and watched as Kate's features transformed into a kind smile that seemed almost familiar, but different nonetheless. Something suddenly clicked and she prompted aloud, "How do you know Patty, really?"

 

Kate sank back in her seat and released a breathless chuckle, "I had a feeling this is would come up at some point."

 

"Am I overstepping?"

 

"No--no, it's been too long for you to overstep anything, really. Patty and I are half sisters."

 

Ellen gave a small disbelieving laugh and then stopped before stating. "YOU and Patty are sisters?"

 

"We share the same father."

 

Ellen was silent as realization finally hit her and it dawned on her, "Your--client."

 

"Yes," Kate nodded, "--he was not the same father to me as he was to her, of course as you can imagine..."

 

"...he wasn't a father to her at all," Ellen cut in forcefully, and immediately felt herself retract from the outburst, "I'm sorry, it's none of my business. It's just--from what I know of Patty and her father--"

 

"He was a bastard." Kate said promptly, a conflict of emotions evident in the saddened smile she offered. "For me and my mother, he changed. He was better. But he wasn't  _that_  to Patty and it took me a long time to understand that I will never understand her pain just like she'll never understand my life. But that's not why you're here, is it?"

 

Ellen's gaze drifted shyly and she shrugged her shoulders as her hand wrapped around the mug filled with hot tea. "I don't know why I'm here, really." She stopped and shook her head, "There's been a lot of that in my life the past few days, actually."

 

"What do you mean?"

 

"I uh--I ran into Patty not too long ago."

 

"Oh."

 

"And uh, it's just--things that shouldn't be in perspective, are. You know what I mean?" Kate frowned as Ellen continued, drumming her finger nails against the cup in her hand. "It's as if there were these gray areas about Patty that I hadn't noticed before, because I had all this anger--so much anger I couldn't see it." She struggled with her own thoughts and she spoke as if to herself. Shaking her head, she sighed her frustration. "Now, I'm in a great place in my life. I'm married, I have a child...and then Patty comes along and everything blows up in bright technicolor."

 

"Ellen--what are you saying?"

 

"Do you know how many times I've been asked in the past about why I still hang around Patty? It's this big mystery, why did I hang around her if I hated her so much? Why did I spend more late nights at her apartment than in my own? I didn't even know, but now I do. Now I do, and it's just my luck that it is entirely the wrong thing for me at this time."

 

Slowly, Kate's face flowed deeper into confusion, then shock, then realization and finally empathy once again. Softly, she smiled and reached out to cover Ellen's hand with her own, patting it lightly. "Oh, I see." 

 

Ellen jerked her head in Kate's direction as if only now realizing where she was and suddenly felt guilty for dumping her troubles on poor unsuspecting Kate.

 

"We can't do much about what the heart wants, Ellen." She said. "You might as well could have tried to bury all that hate and anger you felt years ago. You can't. How do you do stop a tidal wave?" 

 

"You know what's sad?"

 

"Hmm?"

 

"I needed someone to talk to and i couldn't think of a single person I could call."

 

"Well, you can always call me, Ellen. Would you like a cookie? Fresh out of the oven."

 

Ellen's face immediately lit up and she chuckled at Kate's most inviting stare. "Sure, I'd love one."

 

*******************

 

That night, Sophie had a nightmare, bringing her to sleep between her parents. Ellen was thankful for the physical barrier between them. She lied awake up until around 1 AM, when she quietly peeled herself away from her daughter, and overlooking her husband, headed for the safety of the kitchen, conveniently situated all the way at the other end of the house, where she paced and stared at her cell phone, sitting motionless on the counter.

 

She draped one arm across her stomach which turned and twisted with nerves, she nibbled on her index finger and then finally without allowing herself a second thought, she grabbed the phone off the counter and dialed the number she still new by heart.

 

There was a ring and a half before Patty answered. Not nearly enough time for Ellen to come up with a reason for her call. "I need my keys."

 

There was silence. Ellen could hear her own breath and nearly hung up, when Patty replied, "I have them right here."

 

Ellen sighed as she sank into the nearest chair. "I'm sorry I woke you. Did I wake you?"

 

"No, actually I'm hosting a party." Ellen wondered why she couldn't hear anything. "I'm in my bedroom," Patty explained. "The clasp on my dress came undone."

 

Before Ellen's mind could wander, she quickly asked, "When do you think I can swing by and pick them up?"

 

"Whenever. Now, if you'd like."

 

Ellen's car keys seemed to have appeared suddenly in an otherwise empty fruit bowl centered on the table and her eyes remained trained on them as she said. "Don't you have a party to host?"

 

"Everyone is about ready to leave, you can come by if you want."

 

"Okay, I'll come now."

 

"Great. See you here." 

 

And just like that, as if it wasn't a completely ridiculous excuse, as if she didn't already have a set of keys, as if she didn't have a sleeping husband and child asleep in her bed, Ellen grabbed the jacket from off the couch on her way to the door, slipped on a pair of boots she'd casually kicked off by the door earlier and held her breath as she started the engine of her car and hoped she wouldn't have to explain this to Chris later because she wasn't sure she could explain it to anyone.

 

She waited, parked outside Patty's building, and watched as one by one, her guests trickled out. She waited five minutes after the last, and feeling as though it was now safe to go up she climbed out of the car and her feet moved quickly inside. Perry was no longer there and so the new doorman had not recognized her after having seen her only once. Ellen waited while she was announced and Patty authorized her entrance. 

 

As Ellen pressed the button to Patty's floor, she thought about leaving. She thought about Sophie, whom she loved with every fiber of her being, and about Chris--who was just right for her, Chris whom she wasn't very sure about anymore. And suddenly, Patty's door opened and Ellen didn't know how long she'd been standing there. Suddenly she was here and Patty was standing there, flushed in a deep blue dress that bared her shoulders and nothing else, her hair softly styled like the last time, smiling and a little bit drunk.

 

"Come in, Ellen."

 

"I uh--I can't, I just came for my keys."

 

Patty's gaze fell onto Ellen's tight grasp around both her car keys and new set of house keys. The older woman smirked as she looked up, hand still on the open door and replied, "Oh. Okay." 

 

Ellen felt two things. The nauseating feeling of her stomach dropping to her feet, and then more importantly  Patty's lips as she grabbed a handful of her shirt and pulled her into the apartment. Patty's mouth was as greedy as Ellen's hands. While Patty covered every inch of Ellen's neck, Ellen's hands grabbed at every curve she could reach.

 

There was something freeing about this time, because as the initial excitement settled to tolerable lull, they kissed languidly, playfully nipping and sighing with every new wave of spine tingling sensations. Ellen felt as if every breath they shared, pumped new blood into her system, as if she was worn out and wasted before this and now she was new again. She kissed Patty, over and over again, until finally overwhelmed, she slowly pulled away and held the blonde's face in her hands. They caught their breath as they paused, eyes closed and foreheads pressed together. 

 

Swallowing the lump in her throat, Ellen spoke softly, "What happens now?" 

 

"You decide." Patty whispered breathlessly.

 

And as Ellen's eyes fluttered open Patty's own eyes were so blue. The color that was blinding Ellen before was now beautiful. She smiled and traced the apple of Patty's cheekbone with her thumb and forgot about what would come once she left this apartment. Right now, she needed to enjoy this, she needed more of it but unlike before, she took it and planned on keeping it. 

 

END    


End file.
